Thursday, May 29, 2008

Dear Friend....

Friends are the most important thing in my life. I know I have a lot of friends but there is many I call a friend just because I don't freaking trust anyone. I have a trust issue. I don't let anyone in my heart. People have taken me for granted and I hate feeling like that, or taken advantage of me and that's the worst feeling to ever have and I just wish I could have a friend I could talk to and hang out and have nice shopping sprees but no one is close to me anymore and its hard moving to a new place and not having anyone close or having someone I could call friend. Girls always need there friends and tell there little secrets and there fun times and life. Friend if you are out there I'm here waiting for you and I'm ready to be your friend. I'm a sucker for friends and i will do anything to have one right now. Not to many people understand miss Fifi. I'm a loner and it sucks to be like that but that's the only way I feel save. Just for the simple fact. I don't think people get where I'm coming from. There is more to the way I'm feeling right now. How my emotions are running high and low. To much to explain....Anybody listing, could someone listen to my prayer. Is there anyone that cares....

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Depressed

Been feeling a little down.. Trying to make this life a better day for me... been thinking a lot about Erica... I know she is in a better place but she is my baby sister.. Its hard to deal with this ordeal...As well to know that's its reality and she is not here...Accepting that fact is hard... I wish I could of told her I loved her so much...She knows I always tried my best to see her... But back in the days things we can't take back..Now its just to late...That person knows it and now has to live with that in their hearts... I know its hard to deal with things. I figure if i write this I will feel better.. She is looking down on us. I feel her all the time around me and that freaks me out at times. I know she doesn't mean any harm she is my big angel.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Danity Kane wordz

Picture this: After a thousand words said we still couldn't understand what was in each others heads.
Complete. Content. Sunrise to sunset.
So fly like stars, you were everything I wish for, but yet..
You made time to speak your mind when I wasn't pleasing you,
took my love in vain, I was bleeding.
Lonely nights I held your pillow close, wishin' I was squeezing you.
It's crazy, we can only see the bad times when were together
and remember the good when were apart.
If we throw our love away, does that bring us back to the start?
Time heals all wounds, but I can't rewind my heart.
Is our flame not still there? If seeing you, ignites a spark.
Picture this: After a thousand words said we could never understand what was in each others heads.

Mariah Carey- Side Effect New Joint her new Cd!!

4 my pepople that has gone through some shit like this!!!

Mariah Carey Side Effects
[Young Jeezy:]
It's M.C. and Y.J.
Another hit, okay
We lookin' fine, takin' off
Saw us on a runway
On any given Sunday,
Monday, Tuesday
They try to confuse me,
I never let 'em use me

I was a girl, you was a man
I was too young to understand
I was naive, I just believed
Everything that you told me
Said you were strong, protecting me
Then I found out that you were weak
Keepin' me there, under your thumb
Cause you were scared that I'd become much
More than you could handle,
Shining like a chandelier
That decorated every room inside
The private hell we built,
And I dealt with it
Like a kid I wished I could fly away

But instead, I kept my tears inside
Cause I knew if I started I'd keep crying
For the rest of my life with you
I finally built up the strength to walk away
Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects

Wakin' up scared some nights still dreaming 'bout the violent times
Still little protective 'bout the people that I let inside
Still little defensive thinkin folk be tryna run my life
Still little depressed inside, I fake a smile and deal with the side effects
(Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)

It didn't stop, no one was there
Couldn't be real, had to keep quiet
Once in awhile, put up a fight
It's just too much, night after night
After awhile I would just lie,
You was dead wrong, said you was right
Did what I could, just to survive
Couldn't believe this was my life,
Flickering like a candle
Do my best to handle sleeping with the enemy
Whether he was smothering every last part of me
So I broke away and finally found the strength to leave

Still kept the tears inside
Cause I knew if I started I'd keep crying
For the rest of my life with you
I finally built up the strength to walk away
Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects

Wakin' up scared some nights still dreaming 'bout the violent times
Still little protective 'bout the people that I let inside
Still little defensive thinkin folk be tryna run my life
Still little depressed inside, I fake a smile and deal with the side effects
(Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)

Hey, hey, hey
Let's go!

[Young Jeezy:]
Hey Magnifico or should I say Magnificent?
Ain't nothing worth your happiness
And I ain't caring who you're with
Misery love company so we ain't tryin' to hang with y'all
Hurt you if ya let 'em in
Gotta keep ya sucka smilin'
Keep tryin' to play
I tell him I ain't blowin' tho
Think they want me outta here,
I tell 'em I ain't goin' tho
Side effects be drowsiness,
Loneliness,
How is this?
I think the call it hateration,
What can you prescribe for this?

Forgive but I can't forget,
Every day I deal with this
I live with the side efffects
But I ain't gonna let them get the best of me

Forgive but I can't forget,
Every day I deal with this
I live with the side efffects
But I ain't gonna let them get the best of me

Kept my tears inside
Cause I knew if I started I'd keep crying
For the rest of my life with you
I finally built up the strength to walk away
Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects

Wakin' up scared some nights still dreaming 'bout the violent times
Still little protective 'bout the people that I let inside
Still little defensive thinkin folk be tryna run my life
Still little depressed inside, I fake a smile and deal with the side effects
(Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)

It's been while...

Hey y'all it's been a while I have not written anything I just been very busy doing my things and trying to get my self together again Since we moved out here again to Fl its been great and me and Marco gotten things the correct way... I been a lil depressed because of my sister being gone from the cruel world of ours. I know its hard to cope with things thing, but I guess god above knows why she is gone, She took it to her grave.. She has shown me so much in life. Our souls is all that keeps us running and breathing you know!!! I do really miss my family out there in MA but this is my turning point to learn more things in life and grow as a person!!! Damn this world is so unfair and we have to keeeepp learning from our mistakes. I must say I'm glad where I'm at in this point in my life. I'm praying i get to do my massage things again its hard to get back to studying but I know I'm a very smart young lady and I could conquer anything I want if I put my mind to.

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